Dear Winebuyer,

Allow me to introduce myself… I am your wine rep. Well, one of many of course… I’m highly aware of my competition. Here is my portfolio, and my business card. I will no doubt have to give you the same portfolio at least seven times this quarter, and I’m not even sure why I will continue to do so as your type never seems to even glance at it, beyond the front cover. But it’s the same ol’ song and dance, and I’m used to it by now. Allow me to briefly dazzle you with the wonderful labels that I sell… There. Impressive, right?

You and I will possibly be seeing a lot of each other in the weeks or months or even possibly years to come, but that of course depends upon several factors. Allow me to outline a few below, just to begin…

You will see me on a regular basis that suits your liking if…

  • You keep your job for longer than 3 months. You see, you’re the 4th F&B manager I’ve met here at this establishment in less than a year’s time. I’m not holding my breath that you’ll make it through Christmas, quite honestly.
  • You refrain from staring at my tits. Well, actually… here’s the thing. Stare all you like, as long as you buy wine from me. If you keep stringing me along for that Pinot Noir glass pour that I will no doubt be reminding you about for the duration of your employment with no sign of pulling the trigger, this arrangement may change.
  • You don’t waste my time. I promise not to waste yours… I’m a thoughtful wine rep, I promise to learn what you like and don’t like over time as long as you promise to give me honest feedback. If you buy when you say you’ll buy, and if you prove not to be an enormous pain in the ass, we shall continue on in a cordial manner. Business as usual.

So there’s just a brief introduction. I’m looking forward to a semi-productive possibly somewhat enjoyable working relationship for the next few months before you are replaced again.

wine rep

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