shorts

cherry picker

July 26, 2012

“I’m sorry, I don’t have time to taste today.” Oh, that’s too bad… I have (insert hipster/culty/somm’s current wetdream wine here) open… “Oh, I have time to taste that…” sigh.

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From the REPublic: rule of thumb

December 13, 2011

This guy promises more to come, and I hope he follows through. These first two rules of engagement are spot-on for those of us who have to trawl for sales in the liquor store sector. Related side note: Almost any time I give someone a ride who is outside the industry, I get this question: [...]

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seeing red

November 29, 2011

Dear Winebuyer, OHMYGAWD I hate you. You are a thorn in my side, you are a joke of a sommelier, and you are ruining a great wine program put in place by your predecessor. You even look as stupid as you are. The phony affectation in your voice makes me want to SCREAM every time [...]

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From the REPublic: here’s to your impeccable palate

September 29, 2011

This one really doesn’t require too lengthy of an introduction. But I’l give one anyways, just for tradition’s sake. There’s always a buyer or two on your route… you can bring them swill, maybe you even cringe a little as they sip and you await their reaction (after all, you’ve tasted the wine before… you [...]

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parameters

September 15, 2011

Dear Winemaker, No person with half a palate, or half a brain for that matter, is going to spend $42 on your over-oaked, over-ripe swill. But call me if you get a 94 from Parker and then we’ll talk. Best, Wine Rep

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what appointment?

September 7, 2011

Dear Winebuyer…. Motherfucker, you said be here at 12:30 and here I am still waiting while you take inventory well past 1:15. The 1st of the month was last week, asshole.

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