pet peeves

conversation hearts

February 25, 2014

Monday, February 17, 2014 Dear Winebuyer, Thanks for the call on Saturday. I’m sorry I didn’t pick up the phone, but I make it a point to let the calls go to voice mail when I know there’s nothing I can do to help you at that moment. Now that it’s Monday, your complaints are […]

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will you bite the hand that feeds

August 29, 2013

Dear Winebuyer, I’m growing increasingly uncomfortable meeting with you here at your establishment as you continue to bitch about your service staff’s stupidity well within their earshot. Every time we meet it goes something like this… “You know, I wish we could carry this wine, but my servers are too fucking dumb. They wouldn’t know […]

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juuuuust right.

November 27, 2012

Dear Supplier, Why hello there! It’s great to see you again, and I see you’re now working with a large distributor since leaving our company back in May. I’m happy to see someone working with your wines. Quite honestly, I really haven’t missed your brand as they were always priced much too high for their […]

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cherry picker

July 26, 2012

“I’m sorry, I don’t have time to taste today.” Oh, that’s too bad… I have (insert hipster/culty/somm’s current wetdream wine here) open… “Oh, I have time to taste that…” sigh.

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From the REPublic: How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away?

March 9, 2012

Another take on the trade dinner. Winebuyer turns party-crasher? So not cool, man. Note: REPublic posts are reader-submitted. There’s an old Dan Hicks & The Hot Licks’ tune called “How Can I┬áMiss You When You Won’t Go Away?” That was running through my head at one of those Wine Tasting Dinner events at a restaurant […]

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Just a Teaspoon of Sugar…

February 9, 2012

Dear Winebuyer, Look, you’re really nice… and I can tell you work very hard at trying to be everyone’s friend. But I don’t need you to be my friend. I need you to be my Winebuyer. Every week I bring you a random smattering of wines that have nothing to do with any requests you […]

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requests warning, please

December 7, 2011

Dear winery, First off, let me just say that I love selling your wines. LOVE. Really truly, no sarcasm here. You pick from fantastic vineyards, use minimal intervention in the winery, the juice is great, the packaging is spot-on, pricing is perfect, and programming is attractive and appropriate. All in all, a wine rep’s dream […]

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frankie says relax

November 3, 2011

Dear short-fused Winebuyer, I’m very sorry that your order was entered incorrectly and you received that extra case of allocated wine. I will make sure it’s picked up immediately and delivered to one of my other forty accounts clamoring for that wine, and your invoice will be amended right away. What I don’t appreciate is […]

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Pinheads, part two: MW, CS, MS, CSET, STFU

October 26, 2011

Dear newly “certified” Winebuyer, Yes, I see your pin. I saw it the first day we met, when you handed two business cards to me… One from your place of employment, which listed you as “Floor Manager” and one that you personally had made that listed you as “Certified Sommelier”. And you’ve worn that pin […]

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Hot for Teacher

October 19, 2011

Dear young and overly enthusiastic Winebuyer, Yes my import book is chock full of weird wonderments of the wine kind… It’s like a playground for you, I know. And I have to admit that I’m very proud of the quality, regional varietal typicity and overall diversity of the wines that I sell. I like being […]

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