Sigh. I have no fuel allowance, no “company gas card”, no base salary. 100% COMMISSION, y’all. So when I filled my car up this morning for the second time this week, it stung more than a wee bit. Yes, I can write off my mileage with my 2012 taxes come next April, but that rate isn’t going anywhere yet, so I’m going to eat it one way or another. Things are going to have to change just a bit for the near future. I promise to slow down on the shoe shopping, but there are a few other ways I can save fuel and money… I’ve always wanted a pony, for instance. I could use a little more exercise, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to carry wine in my bike basket. Plus my territory is too big and my lung capacity too small for all that pedalin’. My car is already fairly fuel efficient, although it’s not a hybrid. I could slow down a little bit on the freeway to get better mileage, but time is money.
Okay, my needy Winebuyers from the farthest reaches of my territory… Here’s how it’s going to work:
- I’m going to have to stop driving 20 miles out of my way to visit you once a week as you request UNLESS you decide to start placing orders on a regular basis. No more “remind me…”, no more “maybe sometime next month.” Hey, I know that’s all part our whole song and dance duet, but I just need a commitment once in a while to make the commissions pay for the money I’m pouring down the gas tank just to see you.
- I’m going to instead see you every other week. And you will most likely complain and claim that you would order from me more frequently if you saw me more often. I will smile, and gently remind you of the above guideline.
- I’m going to request an appointment on the weeks I come see you because even though you claim to always be available on Wednesdays between 10 am and 2 pm, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve shown up in your designated hours and you’re out to lunch with your girlfriend or aren’t coming in til 4 that day.
- If you see fault in any of this, I will accuse you of hating Mother Earth and I will remind you that you are lining the pockets of Big Oil and OPEC by requesting to see my face every 7 days when you actually only need to order about every 21 to 28 days. Green is always in, man. And you can go all Santorum on me if you’d like, but we can’t put Man above Earth… Without EARTH there is no MAN. Or wine for that matter. Oh dear. Yes, I went there. I just took a political stance of sorts. Or a ideological stance. Or a non-Santorum stance. Some sort of stance, anyway. Sorry… neutrality be damned. I’m coming off a rough February, I’m semi-broke, and I’m in a bad mood. End rant. Oh and lastly…
- I will certainly call you on the weeks you don’t see me, if that’s of any solace. If you don’t like phone calls, no problem! I’m an avid texter. Or we can email. Or GoogleTalk. Skype? Hell, you can even send me a message on Facebook if you want. I am so linked in, it’s not even funny. At any given moment, I’ve got a laptop, an iPad, and an iPhone all at my fingertips, all set to engage in conversation with you.
Thank you for working with me on the above changes, which will be implemented immediately.