Dear hated Winebuyer,
Yep, still hate you.
HOWEVER, I’m feeling a little better about our relationship as I just heard through the grapevine that you are interviewing for a sales rep position in my territory with a little tiny company that I’m going to call… um what to call it… let’s call it Smothern Wine and Spirits, just to keep some anonymity here.
I’ve realized through our brief and troubled acquaintance that you already love wearing shirts and ties. So that part fits.
And you completely lack imagination and creativity, and according to the changes you’ve made to the wine list at your establishment since you’ve taken the helm, you certainly show a preference for the “Evil Empire”, so that fits too.
Should you need a shining letter of recommendation, I will surely write one for you. It’s not that I want you to succeed in life or be happy really, I could care less about that… but the truth is that the thought of myself sitting at a table nearby waiting for my appointment while listening to your sales pitch/presentation and watching our Winebuyer grimace as you butcher the pronunciation of every winery and wine region really gets me hot and heavy. And I’m sure your “holier than thou” attitude is really going to go over well with other buyers. And considering you think $10 Riesling is a “tough sell”, I can’t wait to see how you do at sales. Seriously, I cannot wait. I’m giddy as a school girl.
And now off to call the district manager and tell them what a gem they’ve found in you…