Cattle Call: quit yer dayjob

September 2, 2011 · 2 comments

I suppose it was inevitable.

You invite wine reps to join in on the winebuyer bashing, ask them to submit a dear winebuyer letter of their own, and instead you get a “dear wine rep” submission directly from the enemy. But this guy has a point. Hell, come to think of it, I could come up with a few “dear wine rep” letters of my own for my peers. So, once a week, if I have a “dear wine rep” post submitted, I will put it up. I shall dub these posts Cattle Call.

On Fridays only.

Because we wine reps hate working on Fridays.  

Dear Wine Rep:

First, let me preface this with the following…I like you. I really do. I think you are sweet and nice and are probably excited to have your job. Here is the thing though…you should seek another line of work. You are just not very good at your job.

I know that you have 147 Malbecs in your portfolio and you want to make sure that I taste everyone of them. Maybe, just maybe one day I will buy one, to add to the 2 Malbecs that I have on my list. I don’t really mind that I know your book better than you do. I giggle to myself listening to you fuck up the pronunciations of every 3rd word. It puts a nice break in my day of 41 Southern Wine & Spirits reps.

Seriously though, you should quit and go work at one of those wine craft stores with funny T-Shirts like “Wine Diva” or “I get better with Age”

Remember when that winemaker gave you a call from across the world and told you to save 5 cases of his new release? The new release that only 15 cases came into the country. Remember that? Remember when you forgot to order it after I reminded you 8 times? Remember when it was then sold out and I couldn’t get any? Remember when you then brought me a free bottle of Malbec to say you are sorry? Again, I like you as a person, but you suck.

See you in another 6-8 weeks.


Wine Buyer

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